William Blade wants to be a “patient, discerning and all-in dad.”
It’s something he thought about a lot working through a parenting class he took while incarcerated at Duvall Residential Facility. Though he hasn’t seen his kids — ages 8 and 10 — in several years, he’s realized how important his role as their dad is.
“I do matter,” Blade, who is 30, told Mirror Indy. “I have to be in their life.”
The class was part of Fathers and Families Center’s Out and Up program, which offers parenting classes to men who are incarcerated. Most of the men in the classes are fewer than 90 days from being released. This latest cohort is the first graduating class at Duvall, an alternative to jail where men live but can leave to go to work or school.
Fathers and Families Center offers a similar class to dads who are not incarcerated. Completing the fatherhood curriculum is required for any dad who wants to participate in the organization’s other programs, such as construction training.
“Employment is not our primary goal,” said Larry Smith, president and CEO of Fathers and Families Center. “Our most important goal is to create better fathers, and employment is one part of that.”
Fatherhood 101
Through the classes, Fathers and Families wants to give men the tools they need to be emotionally supportive parents.
“The vast majority of the men we serve grew up in a home in which their father was not present,” Smith said. “Part of it is literally just learning, what does a father do? How is the father supposed to be?”
Instructor Brian Carter estimates that he’s taught parenting classes to close to 1,000 dads over decades working as a social worker. As part of that, he encourages men to think about their own dads, and how their experiences have shaped how they think about fatherhood.
“You can’t get stuck in the past,” he said. “You have to say, ‘I’m going to be different. Even if my dad was a good dad, I’m going to be a better dad.’”
It’s important to Carter that his classroom is a judgement-free zone, where men can speak openly about topics that are sometimes considered taboo. Dads talk about everything from potty training to creating family traditions to why kids might be getting suspended from school.
“If you don’t understand development, discipline is going to be a disaster,” Carter said, “because you’re not understanding, this is what (kids) do.”
Fatherhood, inside
Kemontez Beatty signed up for the parenting class to be a better role model for his three young kids.
“I don’t want them to follow in my footsteps,” Beatty, who is 29, said.
He’s hoping that enrolling in construction training classes with Fathers and Families will help set him up for success.
“I want to actually build something,” Beatty said, “Take pictures of it to show to my kids, ‘This is what Daddy did. I built it.’”
Blade is also planning to take the construction classes, because he likes working with his hands and wants a career.
When he does get back in touch with his children, Blade said he wants to be in a position where he can be in their lives for good. Completing the parenting class is one step towards that.
In the meantime, Blade is thinking of the moment when he’ll get to see his kids again.
“I’m just gonna hold them for a good, strong three minutes,” he said. “That’s a long time.”
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Claire Rafford covers higher education for Mirror Indy in partnership with Open Campus. Contact Claire by email claire.rafford@mirrorindy.org, on most social media @clairerafford or on Signal 317-759-0429.
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