Right around this time every year, after I’ve tossed the old calendar in the trash and cracked open a new planner that will certainly fix everything, I realize I messed up my New Year’s resolution already.
So for 2026, I decided to come up with some not-so-serious goals. I swiveled around at my desk and had my coworkers help me come up with a list of examples: keep a plant alive for a whole year, do a cartwheel every day or use a catchphrase.
Over the holidays, Mirror Indy readers called and left us voicemails with their resolutions. Some are sweet, some are silly and several made us laugh out loud.
Listen to your neighbors’ big plans for the year below. I hope they inspire you to come up with your own fun resolutions.
My New Year’s resolution is: I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to because I beat cancer last year.
Hello, my name is Marek M. My unserious New Year’s resolution is to be less exact with time. I feel this world is too hustle-bustle, too rushing around and exact on timing. I vow to say in this New Year: “I’ll be there in a clock tick.”
Hi, my New Year’s resolution is to figure out a method of eradicating the chipmunks from our yard while maintaining sanity. I’m not really sure both of us can coexist, but we’ll see.
My name is Sierra and my New Year’s resolution is to assert dominance on the street, so that instead of me getting out of other people’s way, they get out of my way.
Yo, it’s your homeboy Gary Gee, and my most unserious New Year’s resolution is to let AI take over my mornings before it takes over the world. That’s right — cook breakfast, pick out my clothes, pay my bills, so I can focus on my art and cultivating creativity and community. 2026 in the mix.
My very unserious New Year’s resolution is to finally stick all of my stickers. I don’t care where I stick them, I just need to stick my stickers. I am guilty of hoarding them. I have, you know, commitment issues with my stickers. I’m afraid I’m going to stick them in the wrong place, so that’s my New Year’s resolution.
Hi, my New Year’s resolution is to eat and try as many tinned fish and seafood varieties as humanly possible in 2026.
What’s up, Mirror Indy? Sorry for all the loud background noise, I’m in my van. My unserious New Year’s resolution is to get rejected more often. I’m not single, so that would usually be the way of getting rejected. So I got to figure out new ways to get rejected. My goal is 100 rejections this year. This is MF Fred, by the way. Peace.
Hey, this is Ebony. My New Year’s resolution — I thought long and hard about what this could be, and I think I’ve landed on two. One: I want to watch “Star Trek: the Next Generation” from the beginning, and finish the whole thing by the end of the year. And I also want to eat lunch away from my desk at least once a week with a friend down in the AMP. Bye!
Hello, Mirror Indy. My unserious New Year’s resolution is to eat an acai bowl once a week in my college town. Because I’m at a smoothie shop right now, and it’s the most delicious thing. Thank you.
For 2026, I vow to buy more fruits and vegetables that I will just end up throwing away in the trash.
Hi, Mirror Indy. This is Jennifer Morlan, and my unserious resolution for 2026 is to not buy any new clothes for the entire year. I do this about every 5 years. I have a closet full of clothes. There’s nothing new that I really need. Some people may say this is a serious resolution if they are fashionistas or love to shop, but I think in the state of the world, and in the view of big issues, it’s a pretty unserious resolution. But it’s one that I’m going to try and keep.
My deeply unserious New Year’s resolution is to be in love. I feel like I’m the only one who really understands why this is funny. We’re going to check back in this time next year, just in case.
Hi, my unserious New Year’s resolution would be to learn sign language. I think it’ll come in handy one day.
Hi, it’s Chris, the curator from the Vonnegut Museum, trying to pick my most unserious New Year’s resolution. “Try every coffee shop in the city?” — now that sounds like something I would definitely want to do. “Remember not to buy chips at the grocery store because I have half a bag at home?” I would never do that. I would buy all the chips. “Cartwheel once a day?” That’s not fair. I’m a 42-year-old man; gravity has its way. So I guess cartwheel once a day. I mean I’ll try it. I’ll try it for sure, but I will hurt myself. But it does sound fun, so I will cartwheel once and then go to the hospital.
We always have a tradition that we have to sew a pillow slip of some sort, or a pillowcase, in order to hold the money in all year. Also we sweep some money in the front door. We crumple it up and throw it out, and then sweep it back in the front door also to have prosperity.
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