I met Rekha Muralidaren through an old mutual friend, all of us drowning in the demands of studying medicine at Indiana University.
One day, Rekha spoke to me about her sueñito (little dream) — to one day return to India and practice medicine. She talked about the differences between medical practice in her home country and in the United States, emphasizing how medicine in India takes a more holistic approach.
Listening to her made me realize just how profound culture shock can be for those who immigrate here as children, and how the quiet pull of home can still tug at the heart across diasporas.
To honor these legacies, I asked Rekha what her favorite memory from her time in India was — this is her story.
This interview has been edited for brevity and clarity.
Tell me about your little dream.
I’d say it’s kind of a tradition — a big one actually — but I kind of stopped doing it a few years ago.
It’s two sweets, payasam and kesari, and the tradition is that the birthday girl gets to choose the food for the day — the dessert, everything. Then we offer it to the gods in a prayer and ask for blessings. But it’s special because you get to choose, and those are my favorite little moments.
Why did you stop?
Well my grandma’s passing, which was a few years ago, was very close to my 18th birthday. We were still in mourning and never really got to do it again. Still, it was a big part of my life for 18 years.
You said gods with an “s” — what’s your religion? Is there a certain holiday that accompanies this?
I’m Hindu! You can make payasam for a holiday if you really want to. For me, though, it’s more of a preference thing. Plus, if it’s my birthday I get to customize the colors.
Woah, you can do that?
Yeah! Traditionally kesari is made with an orange or yellow color, but I like it pink.
What is kesari?
It’s a rava dish. Rava is a type of grain back in India. Before you cook it, it almost looks like sand.
Usually I’d tell my mom what I wanted the night before, and by the time I came downstairs it was already freshly made. I’d even get to have it for breakfast.
It’s just so nostalgic, you know? Waking up to the scent of freshly baked rava and cardamom. The way my mom makes it, she’ll fry the rava first on a pan. Then to actually make the kesari, she’ll put a bunch of ghee on a pan — basically clarified butter — with sugar, cardamom, sometimes raisins and cashews.
If I woke up early enough, I would sneak cashews out from under her or steal little tastes of it before it was fully ready. If I did that, though, by the time it was actually done, half of it would already be gone! She’d get mad, but she couldn’t say anything because it was my birthday, so hah!
Were birthdays back home different then they are here in the States?
Birthdays in the U.S. are a big deal. Every kid gets their own party and their own cake. The whole day is about them.
But back home, the first thing we’d do is pray to God. If I was in India on my birthday, they probably would have taken me to the temple first so I could get blessings. Not just from the gods, either. The priests give them, too. Then at home we have a little puja area — puja is what we call the offering.
How do you offer the food up?
There’s little bowls you set it in.
Wait, so what happens when it goes bad?
Oh no, dude, we eat it! You put it in front of the pictures of the gods that we worship most directly, probably at least 10 of them.
Oh, and we’re also in brand-new clothes. Each year for your birthday, no matter what, you have to wear brand-new clothes. Then before we can even wear them, we get them blessed by a priest.
So then to do the puja you have your clothes, the sweets and these fruits we offer up. And then my mom has this special plate with incense. She says a prayer, puts the plate in front of each picture of the gods, and I stand with her.
Then there’s this other incense, and it’s special because you just get to light it on fire — the whole thing. It’s kind of like receiving a blessing, because you’re taking all the smoke inward. Then we have a moment of silence while we’re praying. I usually ask for good health or to pass my exam.
Then we get to eat it. So it’s an offering for sure, but it’s also more of a ritual to bless the food before we eat it.
Oh and the crows! Back in India, we also give a little bit of it to the crows, no matter what we’re cooking. You grab a banana leaf and then put a bunch of little foodstuffs on it, and the crows flying by get to eat it.
Have you been able to find kesari here in the States?
Dude, we make that shit. The ingredients and their quality may vary a bit, but it’s really similar. Any Indian dish I want, my mom can pretty much make for me — it’s awesome, probably one of the only good things about still living at home.
What’s one of your favorite memories of payasam or kesari?
This was the last birthday that I celebrated in India, before I moved here. While my mom was making payasam — this time, I had opted for payasam over kesari — my dad Skyped us. This was when he was working abroad. He’d come visit, but he couldn’t be there all the time. He told me that we were going to go visit him in the States, and I was so happy that I started crying.
It’s funny, because my grandma came in, and she thought that he was making me cry. So she just started scolding her son and absolutely berating him. It wasn’t until I was like, “No, I’m not sad, I’m just happy I get to see him,” that she stopped. Then my mom came in and he told her, and she just started crying too.
It’s funny, too — I was told we were just visiting him in the U.S. It wasn’t until a few months had passed and they told me, “Hey, you need to start practicing your English, because you’re going to be starting school soon,” did I realize it was going to be permanent.
Payasam
Ingredients:
- 2 teaspoon ghee
- 6 cashews
- 12 raisins
- ½ cup vermicelli
- 2 cups water
- Pinch of salt
- ½ cup sugar
- 1 cardamom, crushed
- ½ cup milk
Instructions:
- Heat a pan, add ghee and fry cashews until golden in color. Make sure the flame is low to avoid burnt cashews. Also fry raisins. Take out the cashews and raisins and set aside.
- In the same pan with the leftover ghee, roast vermicelli over medium-low flame with constant stirring. The vermicelli should turn golden.
- Add 2 cups of water with a pinch of salt and cook vermicelli over low or medium flame until soft.
- Add sugar. Powder the cardamom and add it. The cooked vermicelli turns transparent at this stage. Boil for 2 minutes.
- Add the milk. Bring to a boil. Boil for a minute and switch off the stove. As it cools down, it gets thicker. Garnish with the fried cashews and raisins.
Kesari
Ingredients:
- 6 tablespoon ghee
- 12 cashews
- 12 raisins
- 1 cup semolina
- 2 1/2 cups water
- 3/4 cup sugar
- 1/4 teaspoon cardamom powder
- Food coloring
Instructions:
- Heat 2 tablespoons of ghee in a pan and fry the cashews.
- Add the raisins until they swell up, then remove both from the pan.
- In the same ghee, add the semolina and fry on low or medium heat until crunchy, not brown.
- Simultaneously in a pot, bring the water to a boil.
- Once the water boils, add the semolina slowly, stirring to make sure there are no lumps.
- Once the water is absorbed, cover and cook for 2-3 minutes to make sure the semolina is fully cooked and turns fluffy.
- Add sugar and mix well. The sugar will dissolve and the mixture should turn gooey.
- Keep stirring and cook until excess moisture is gone.
- Add the cardamom powder, food coloring and remainder of the ghee.
- Mix well and cook for 2-3 minutes.
- Add in the cashews and raisins and mix one final time before letting it cool off.
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Keaun Michael Brown is a Mirror Indy freelance contributor. You can reach him at brownkea@iu.edu.
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